Good Friday Feast For Everyone

Fanesca- I woke up late today. Being Good Friday, I did not have to go to school.

Everyone is involved in the preparation of the traditional Ecuadorian Easter meal of Fanesa (Lenten chowder) for our Good Friday feast. Mom started by soaking the ‘bacalao‘ (Salt Cod) late yesterday and the house now has a strong fishy smell. I did not want any part of the preparations.

This soup is made with squash, Lima beans, fava beans, green beans, anyway 7 beans galore! If that wasn’t enough, mom also adds cabbage, milk, heavy cream, cream cheese, and then even more cheese. Oh I forgot – cheese empanada as a side dish!

Ugh! I’m not a fan of this dish!

My sisters and neighbors help my mother in the preparation of this feast. This is a day long event and I am not crazy for this ritual nor for the smell. Just thinking about this has me feeling overstuffed & out of place. Food to me is just to fill my stomach, nothing to spend so much time, effort & rituals over.

So I sneak out and go for a bike ride.

“Don’t go too far!” mom yells out. “I need you back in time for the feast!”

I ride off to check out the other side of the “hill.” All my friends talk about going to the “hill” on our bikes, but no one dares! They say that on the other side lies the Arthur Kill – the deadliest waterway in Jersey.

It is said that nothing lives in these waters. Nothing can! It is the filthiest body of water in Jersey. So bad that if a sailor falls off a tanker, they just leave him there. He is better off! since the acid in the water will eat you alive and the oil slick will choke you to death before they can even get to you.

Anyway, that is what they say – but I don’t believe them.

None of my friends are around and we’ve been talking about it for so long, that I decide to go by myself. The stories must be exaggerated! it can’t be that bad.

I ride off thru the abandoned, desolate grounds for about 1 mile and what I found on the other side was worse then even the roumors said. This area in loaded with homeless people; bon fires out of 50-gallon drums just to stay warm; a smell of dead fish; and plenty of black grime on the shores of the river.

flickr - pedrosimoes7 - homelessI ride down the back edge of the hill and ride alongside the baroness of the riverfront. Faces that seemed like they haven’t eaten in a long while, stare back at me as if to say “What are you doing here kid?”

I stopped in front of this old man. He had his hand stretched out. I didn’t even dare climb off my bike & dragged myself over to him. I put in his hands the snack & water that I had brought with me.

“Happy Easter kid! May God bless you.” he said.

I rode back to my house, no longer complaining and ready to partake of the feast. Even if I didn’t like the smell of it, I feel fortunate to have a home, a family & a safe haven where I can grow up a normal life.

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Hey!! I Got my Driver’s License & a Playboy Magazine

For the last few weeks I’ve been asking my mom to take me to the driver’s license center. I’m ready to get my license! I’ve been driving since I was fifteen, so that part is no big deal, but I’ve studied that manual & know every single answer. Mom keeps telling me that she does not have time, so I hope she has time this week.

I’ve driven many times and have even been spotted by the cops driving without a license. I don’t want to take the chance of getting caught. So today I asked her again. “I can’t take several hours from work to take you there!” She yells. I am so pissed off. I am sitting outside and I guess I must have looked pissed off, because Joe comes up to me and asks me “why are you mad?” As I am explaining how I am never going to get my license, how my mother does not have time to take me and how I am never going to get what I want, I can see his face getting a strange look. “Why?” he asks. “what! haven’t you heard what I’m saying?” I yell at him. Again he gives me a puzzled look. “I don’t see your problem. If you want to get your license, let’s go!”

He gave me a new possibility that I would have never considered. “lets go” was totally not expected. See Joe is described by my dad as a “bad seed” an “irresponsible hoodlum” is how the neighbors describe him, but I knew different. I like him & he is not that scary to me. He is my brother’s best friend and he pays attention to me. The fact that the Carteret cops lump him together with his older brother as a criminal, does not convince me that he is all bad. I am doubting my instincts, though. I’m not sure if I should trust him. “What’s the matter? Don’t you want to go?” he urges me.

So going the six miles to Rahway all of a sudden is not that far fetched. We get on the bus & sit all the way in the back. I’m a little worried since I’m going to another county with somebody the cops consider a criminal. “Don’t worry” he assures me “I will get you there.” For some reason, those words were extremely reassuring. No matter what anybody thinks of him, I know he is a good guy.

We are sitting there quietly for a few bus stops when all of a sudden Joe breaks the silence & says “Hey you gotta pass a test to get your license.” So I reply “Sure, I’ve studied for it…” when Joe cuts me off. “No way man, not that kind of test! You need to pass the ‘Being a man’ test.” He asks me two questions (which I answer almost immediately) & he asks me: “Do you think you are a man, yet?” He thinks for a while & then he tells “OK, you’ve passed the test! Now I have a surprise for you.”

jan 1979 Playboy CoverSitting there in the back of the bus, he reaches into the breast pocket of his coat and pulls out a magazine. He hands me the January 1979, 25th Anniversary Edition of Playboy magazine, and says “this is a special issue.”

“It has your favorite girl from Love Boat & Fantasy Island – Barbi Benton.” This is a WOW moment. Not only because I am holding my first Playboy magazine, nor because I am getting my driver’s license. But because I am gaining a new found freedom,

Joe did for me what my father could not do. My father showed me love & showed me faith but Joe showed me how to assert my independence & to trust. He showed me to follow my instincts, to trust myself and to go for what I want in life no matter what people make you out to be.

That day I got my license, but the biggest lesson I learned is not to judge another solely on people’s opinions.

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Fly be Free

Fly Be Free
“I have to leave.” My sister insists! “I need to get away from him.”

She left quietly in the middle of the day. Mom & dad were at work and this was her opportunity.

As she opened the door, the light outside casts her shadow up the stairs. It trails up each riser and almost seems to touch my shoe. The light, glistening off the metal strap on the suitcase, catches my eye. As I turned away to avoid the glare, she disappeared into the anonymity of the street. Only a note left for him and mom, gave an indication of where she was going.

“It is time.” she said.

Time for her to be free, time for her to grow. Time for her to trust in herself. Her marriage to Manny, at the ripe age of twenty, was a way to obtain freedom. Freedom from mom’s control and freedom from life in the Bronx.

But in her running, she ran into murkier waters. Now she needs to get away from everything! From him, from mom and from the church’s opinions. Divorce is not an option, so running away, to recreate herself seems to be the only way.

As the door closed, away she went to find herself…

My mother frantically searches for her.

“Where did she go?” my mother asks

Days go by and all her friends do not know where she could be. Nobody knew. She asks me and I pretended that I did not know what happened.

“No mom, I do not know where she went!” I reply.

But deep down inside, I really do not want her to be found. This was a clean breakaway. That’s how she felt she needed it to be. Months have passed and mom continues to cry every day. I feel torn – don’t want to see mom cry, but also don’t want to betray my sister’s freedom.

Today, the phone rings. It is her! I am so glad to finally hear from her.

“Put mom on, I need to explain..” she tells me, so I get mom on the phone.

“Mija, where are you? are you OK?”

“I’m doing fine mom. I’m living in Manhattan and got a new job. It pays me  more money and can afford to live in a home for young women.”

First time that mom did not dominate the conversation and only listened.

“Mom, how is she doing? Where is she?” I ask as she hung up the phone.

“She would not say…”

I understood that she did not want to reveal any other clues to her whereabouts. She was still in fear that my mother would turn her over to him again. So she trusts no one and reveals nothing…

– only that she will be fine now.

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