Moving Away Again

I’m dreading this week! Friday we are moving out of the Bronx and going to some sub-urban hick town in New Jersey. There is nothing to do there. I am pissed off that my parents did not consider our feelings when making these plans. What am I going to tell my friends?

I walk outside and the streets are full of life. People everywhere and cars roll by non-stop. As I stand on my front stoop, I see Michael Giles walk out of his apartment building. Oh boy! here we go. “Hey Mike! what’s up?” Mike looks up at me and says “wanna play caps?” Immediately I run down the steps and we go across the way to the rubbles that once was an apartment building. We walk around looking for bottle caps. “Here’s one!” mike yells out. We walk over behind a large mound that would conceal our activities from the street and Mike pulls out a couple of matches and some wax. We melt the wax into the caps to give them some weight.

We spent the afternoon playing and flicking caps. At approximately six pm my mom yells out “Pablo, time to come in an eat!” so I say good by to Mike and throw in “Oh, by the way I am moving away forever on Friday. See you later.” As I run off Mike yells out “Excellent, I can come and visit you in Jersey during the summer break!”

Wow! this landed like a tons of bricks. I was not expecting “visit you in Jersey during Summer break.” I don’t know why but that did not sit well with me. How am I going to do a clean break if he is coming to visit? I don’t know why I needed a clean break. Maybe it’s the excitement of starting anew – OR – it just me not wanting to hurt every time I leave a friend behind. See I felt as a piece of me has been cut off and it hurts so bad. I didn’t want to hurt again.

See we’ve moved a few times. When we left Ecuador I left friends and family behind. When we moved here from Queens, I left friends behind. Or maybe it has something to do with leaving my two youngest sisters is Ecuador and we came here for a better life. Why can’t they have a ‘better life’ as well? I know I cried a lot when that happened. I felt as I have lost my sisters for ever. At the time I did not know that we would be seeing them again.

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Happy New Year!!

New Year’s was a blast! We had family over to my house and partied all night. Like always my Tio Agusto got drunk and started speaking English.

It’s so funny to watch him – He does not speak a word of English & when he tries, he has a heavy accent. But at parties when he’s drunk, he is so eloquent and the accent is gone! Talk about letting go of his inhibitions.

My other uncle, Tio Amable is the sad type of drunk. He cries and laments days gone by. Beside him, everybody seem to be having fun, and just enjoying life.

All in all we had a great time. My brother and I head up to the rooftop. We just stare out to the horizon. We are making believe that the cold breath coming out of our mouths is us smoking – we are so cool!

But deep down inside I look out to the horizon & wonder which building is my sister living in and what is she feeling this New Year’s eve.

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Fly be Free

Fly Be Free
“I have to leave.” My sister insists! “I need to get away from him.”

She left quietly in the middle of the day. Mom & dad were at work and this was her opportunity.

As she opened the door, the light outside casts her shadow up the stairs. It trails up each riser and almost seems to touch my shoe. The light, glistening off the metal strap on the suitcase, catches my eye. As I turned away to avoid the glare, she disappeared into the anonymity of the street. Only a note left for him and mom, gave an indication of where she was going.

“It is time.” she said.

Time for her to be free, time for her to grow. Time for her to trust in herself. Her marriage to Manny, at the ripe age of twenty, was a way to obtain freedom. Freedom from mom’s control and freedom from life in the Bronx.

But in her running, she ran into murkier waters. Now she needs to get away from everything! From him, from mom and from the church’s opinions. Divorce is not an option, so running away, to recreate herself seems to be the only way.

As the door closed, away she went to find herself…

My mother frantically searches for her.

“Where did she go?” my mother asks

Days go by and all her friends do not know where she could be. Nobody knew. She asks me and I pretended that I did not know what happened.

“No mom, I do not know where she went!” I reply.

But deep down inside, I really do not want her to be found. This was a clean breakaway. That’s how she felt she needed it to be. Months have passed and mom continues to cry every day. I feel torn – don’t want to see mom cry, but also don’t want to betray my sister’s freedom.

Today, the phone rings. It is her! I am so glad to finally hear from her.

“Put mom on, I need to explain..” she tells me, so I get mom on the phone.

“Mija, where are you? are you OK?”

“I’m doing fine mom. I’m living in Manhattan and got a new job. It pays me  more money and can afford to live in a home for young women.”

First time that mom did not dominate the conversation and only listened.

“Mom, how is she doing? Where is she?” I ask as she hung up the phone.

“She would not say…”

I understood that she did not want to reveal any other clues to her whereabouts. She was still in fear that my mother would turn her over to him again. So she trusts no one and reveals nothing…

– only that she will be fine now.

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