Beth, I Hear You Calling…

This morning I woke up with a strange feeling. I don’t know how to explain it, except that it was a sense of dread. Sounds awful, I know but it’s all consuming! It is coming from somewhere and I have a feeling that something is up today.

Anyway I had a quick breakfast, of milk & cereal, and went off to school feeling like that anyway. The whole day just seemed to drag along. In gym class, we played soccer with the shirts vs. no-shirts. I ended up on the no-shirts team and it was a bit too cool outside. My asthma started acting up and I am having a hard time breathing.

The weather outside was stormy and the gray clouds just loomed overhead like spectators, looking down into the lion’s den at the zoo, waiting for something to happen. Even worse, when I went to take a shower, the hot water refused to flow for me!

Ughhh!

What a day!!!!

I’m just glad school is over and I can finally get the school day done now!

So as I drive home, the feeling of dread is still present and getting stronger. It pulsates and causes the veins in my neck to bulge. I don’t know why it’s there nor what is causing it, but it’s just strange.

I guess not strange enough! Because as I turn the corner onto our block, I see exactly what is causing this feeling.

There in the middle of the street, in front of our house, is a growing commotion. The neighbors are standing together as a group frozen in their tracks. The lights are still flashing on the patrol car and the crowd has an expression of disbelief. They’re standing there with their hands clasped over their mouths. All seen to have experienced a horrific moment together. They are sobbing as the rain falls on their shoulders.

Oh God don’t tell me something happened!

As I am parking the car, the girls from upstairs bang on my window. “Open this window!” they scream. “Dammit open it now!”

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“Baby Daniel got sick. He was found in the crib and he was not breathing! His little face was blue!” they explained loudly. “Come with us, we will drive you to the hospital!”

“Wait!” I shouted “I haven’t finished parking the car!”

“Dammit, don’t worry about the car! I’ll get my dad to park it! We have to go now!” They shout as they drag me towards their car.

I leave the keys in the car. The door open and the engine running. My lunchbox is open on the front seat and I think I spilled my Coke on the rug from all this commotion. I don’t know why, but I am not even a little worried.

“He’s going to be alright!” I reassure the girls. “Don’t panic. Everything will be OK, You’ll see.”

Looking back, I must have been out of it, since I was not worrying. But as I look at the speedometer, I noticed that she is driving over 50mph on the city streets. Now I am starting to worry and even a little scared!

They pull up to the front door of the Perth Amboy General Hospital’s Emergency Room and the electric doors slide open. We climb out of the car clumsily and almost fell out even before the car was in park.

We rush into the emergency room and immediately run into the patient’s area. I see my mom, Beth and my baby sister, Patty crying. By the look in their face, I can see that same feeling of dread – only deeper and more painful.

No question had to be asked. My mother’s strong hug told me everything! Beth and Patty also came over to create a group hug in the middle of the hall. While crying, my mother uttered these words: “Little Daniel just died.”

Oh God, Why!!!! How am I going to tell my brother his son is dead!

The terror of the moment just fills me. I wonder how my brother would react to the news. Then my thoughts and wanderings go to Beth. She had been taking a nap and when she woke up, found Little Danny face down in the crib. She had been alone in the house at the time. The terror of finding her son dead must be horrific for her!

She is so far from her home & her family. She finds herself surrounded by a bunch of strangers who now find themselves to serve as her family. This house isn’t her home. Oh My! She is so far from home…

Beth, I know you’re lonely and I hope you’ll be alright…

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Happy Father’s Day

Silly Putty notable-comic-book For Father’s Day, I want to give my dad something that he would actually use. Something different that he’s never had. Maybe even something that we can do together.

See every year the gifts we give him end up in the drawer and never gets opened. One year I gave him a pair of pajamas. He now has over 5 sets of pajamas in his drawer.

Another year, my brother gave him a tie for his church suits. His drawer now has several different ties. See having five kids, I guess you can’t wear or use every present you get. And I guess he tried to protect us by hiding this fact from us.

That is until the day my younger sister, Nancy, found the drawer and found the pajama she had given him, the year before. The grey and white stripes on the flannel still pristine wrapped in its original packaging. My mother was pissed and sarcastically jokes with him that he is creating a stock pile for his ‘next’ life back in Ecuador.

This of course caused a big argument between them. They yell at each other & scream that they have had enough of each other. But we all know that, hidden in the sarcasm & dry humor, mom sadly also knew that he will divorce her.

We, deep down inside, knew that dad will return to live in Ecuador and actually have a stock pile to take with him. Our feeling is that he is fulfilling his obligation as a husband & dad until the last one of us is old enough. That day he will move on. Maybe even get himself another wife & possibly even get himself another set of kids.

So anyway, I gave my dad Silly Putty – I love Silly Putty!!! Now I am hearing you say “What the heck…” and yes that’s exactly what he must be thinking. But you know what! He actually spent time playing with me. We molded stuff and even picked up the images off his ‘help wanted’ newsprint.

Just like Silly Putty, children pickup impressions from the environment and from the people in their lives.

How my dad behaved, that day, left a lasting impression on my life! Even though this day turned into an argument, the minute or two, he actually spent it with me stays with me. He’s never really done that before, but on his special day, he gave up those minutes for me.

This I will never forget!

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Boogie Nights

Boogie Nights Something weird happened today and I’m not sure how to even talk about it. It feels like a nightmare that I cannot shake. Every day after school we spend the afternoon outside playing. Playing ball, playing tag, chasing one another and even riding our bikes.

You know kids in the neighborhood doing what kids are supposed to do – being innocent and having fun!

That is… all kids with the exception of little Peter. He is only 4 maybe 6 yrs old and his mom is really protective over him. The only times I see him out is when his mother takes a nap. He sneaks out of the house, not to play with us but to go to the gray house at the corner of Warren and Salem.

He skips and hops his way over to that house.

The gray house is the home of an older couple with no kids. The lady is quiet and goes to work six days a week. The man is gray-haired and seems to have retired early. Because he tends to the garden everyday and is always outside in his yard.

As we walk home from school, he greets us and offer us candy thru the bushes. My father is friends with this guy, but I find him to be very strange. I don’t know why but I am freaked out by him.

But Peter seems to like him enough to go to his house every week. He goes there by himself at least once a week and spends over an hour there.

One day I asked him “what do you do at his house all that time?” He replied, “We play games and eat candy.” But he would look away and not go into detail of what games they play together alone.

One day when he came out crying I asked him what happened. This time he did say that they danced to music and watched a movie that he did not like. The movie made him cry.

Yesterday my dad wanted to go visit the people in the gray house and he says that I have to go with him.

“No!” I replied “I’m not going!” But my dad insisted and we went anyway. My dad was going there to teach him the bible and wanted me to learn how to do it.

The house was dark. The furniture was wooden, stained dark brown, with a brown tweed fabric that even thought it was in good shape, always looked dirty. The walls were wood-panelled in a honey-colored stain. The grain was deep but looked worn from years of usage. The lighting was very dim with only table lamps lighting the immediate area.

I never understood why someone would choose to live in such darkness.

Anyway I asked my dad if I could leave. Finally after nagging him enough, he let me go. I rushed out the door so quickly. Later on my dad catches up to me and asks me “what happened back there?”

I finally broke down and told my dad what I felt. “I don’t like going to that house dad. Peter tells me that he does some weird things, dad! They play alone together and Peter sometimes comes out of that house crying.” My dad replied “What are you talking about?” He continued with “They are nice people, how do you know that Peter is telling the truth. You have to be sure of what you are saying before you judge anyone! You have to love thy neighbors no matter what you opinion of them.”

This is not unusual, dad never takes what I say seriously anyway. I wish I had someone to talk to, but my dad just won’t listen.

So today, I walked home alone and sure enough he was there working in his yard. He stops me by offering me my most favorite candy – a Three Musketeer bar. The words “love thy neighbor” ring in my head and I choose to give up my suspensions of him and accept him for who he is.

It was a mini bar and he said he had plenty more inside. We talked for a bit and he says “come inside & I will give you more Three Musketeers.”

The words “love thy neighbor” ring again so I accept his invitation and went inside.

No judgement!

Inside we played games and ate candy just like Peter said! Then about 45 minutes of playing he says…

“I have a game…

bet you’ve never played it!

Its fun! I promise.

You’re gonna love it!”

“Can I teach it to you?”

He gets serious and says “the game is a secret though! It’s a big kids game – I’m not sure if you’re big enough to play this game…”

“Of course I am!” I insist “let me play!”

I should have notice something was off when he made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone.

Anyway he gets off the floor puts on a record – I still remember it – it was Boogie Nights by Heatwave. I remember it well! It is my favorite song. It used to be, that is until now. He then comes over and sits right next to me on the sofa.

Instantly things start to feel weird. He speaks softly and moves in slowly now. Almost as if he is deliverate trying to avoid scaring me. He puts his hand, slowly, on my knee and tells me to relax. Now I am really shaking.

Then he says: “Open up your pants and …”

Before he could finish his sentence I was off that sofa and out the door! Sorry, I cannot love this neighbor… I knew what he wanted and I was not going to play those games.

But poor Peter! I just realized that he has played that game before and he is keeping that secret.

I now know why Peter’s attitude had change lately. He did not skip back & forth anymore. He walks there with his head down and his shoulder seem to just droop – like he has lost his spark.

I know he has a hard life at home, with his dad never being home & his mom being controlling. I’m sure he does not have anyone to talk to – even if they did listen – I’m not sure they would hear the secret he’s keeping.

This is enough to stress anybody out! Deep down inside, I know that Peter has changed from the many times he’s gone into the darkness of that gray house.

I know that the one and only time was enough for me. It left a lasting impression on me. Like a nightmare, it lingers in the shadows of secrecy. It is one thing that even though I want to forget, I have not been able to do.

I wonder if Peter has been able to forget.

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