Original Date : August 12, 1997)
Usually I cannot recall any of my dreams, except last night I remembered one.
I dreamt that I was confined to a wheelchair and I remember the feeling of helplessness. It was the most pitiful situation, but I do remember being too self-consumed with my situation. All I think about and all I talk about is my pain and my anger for being in this chair. I am soooo wrapped in self-pity that I could not focus of the face of the woman who was doing everything for me. She was helping me around and felt to be very familiar, but I could not make out a face because of my inability to see beyond my problems. She was very warm, helpful, and most of all I got the feeling that she cared more about helping me than her own needs. Lots like Mercy, but I could not feel her presence. I took her for granted and never cared how she was doing – and all she would do or say were words of support and concern for me. Such a selfless person in sharp contrast to a self-involved me.
Ok, now how do I interprete this one! My son is due to be born in 2 months; my job is doing ok, but I cannot wait till I get out of work to get on with my life; I want this I want that… where’s my wife?? I guess I should see how she is doing, bye.
(Original Date: July 5, 1997)
This blog seems to be sporadic. I’m not sure why my entries are spread out. I do have many dreams that are perfect candidates for this blog, but I don’t seem to write them down. Most of the time I tend to forget the dreams as soon as I wake up. By the time I’m brushing my teeth, I can’t recall what I dreamt. Charlie says that my dreams are messages for my reality. He said that I am afraid to know what is being told to me. I guess I am afraid, but of what? I have always wanted to know what is beyond us or who is out there. And I can’t see why I would be afraid of it now. Maybe I want to know who is sending me these messages & what am I supposed to be doing with them. I sometimes feel that I should not be keeping them to myself, but I’m afraid to show them to anyone.
Maybe that’s the challenge to be conquered. It is commonly known that dreams are a message from your subconcious. What are the messages I am getting thru my dreams?
Could it be that I should take a chance that not everyone will understand what I’m thinking or feeling. It’s ok if they do not understand or care. The only thing that matters is if I care enough to express my dreams/feelings therefore the purpose of this blog.
(Original Date :June 5, 1997)
Rejoice for you are granted this beautiful gift from God.
Protect this baby with all your will and
love him with all your heart
for God has entrusted you with the greatest gift he can give…
The gift of life.
A brand new life, a brand new soul
A brand new gift to make us whole.
A gift to cherish, a gift to protect
from all the evil and injustice on this earth.
God has loaned you a new life and it is up to you to ensure
that this beautiful new baby is well prepared for his journey
in life, a journey to fulfill God’s plan.
I had this dream several months before my son was born.
(Original date: May 29,1997)
What is this you ask?
Ask not for knowing will only torment you.
Torment is an old acquaintance
as familiar as a playground bully
from my childhood celebrity nudes
or as classic as a rejection
from a high school sweetheart.
So do not threaten with such impotent words
Words will not suffice in this battlefield.
This dream came just like my medieval dreams seem to. I am a young peasant boy with trashy clothes and a ‘mop top’ hair do. I have black hair and its dirty – almost shiny & greasy. This time I find myself transformed into a knight on a black horse in the mist of battle. The words are my challenge – too whom, I do not know…
(original date: ??,1997)
Superman can’t help us
He’s in a wheelchair now.
It’s not his fault,
we should have learned
To take care of ourselves.
Where are our superheroes?
Now, when we need them the most.
Superman can’t help us
Who can save us now
Part of the feeling that I got with this dream (when Christopher Reeves had his accident) was that ‘Superman’ couldn’t help us now. I took this to mean that society’s inability to be responsible for its actions has left us defenseless. By relying on mythical imagery (tv stars, tv characters) to solve our societal turmoil, we have lost our self-reliance. Life does imitate art! Our needs are satisfied (more like – put off) by what we see in the movies. We make heroes of movie stars and professional athletes rather than looking within. Social leaders and members of our community are larger than life and can be a better role model & ‘superior’ mentors.