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You Can Count On Me

Today I am feeling a little sad & melancholic. In a couple of days it will be my wife’s & my 20th year anniversary and we are not getting along too well. I’ve tried creating communication with her but it never goes how I want it to. I do things that I think will make her happy & it does not turn out that way.

To give you an example. Yesterday I decided to clean the house. My wife is working alot with her new business. She is even working on Saturdays till 5pm & has not had time to do the usual chores. It started simply enough. As I’m cleaning, my son tells me he wants to get a goldfish. I needed to prime the pump, clean the tank & get the water conditioned for the fish, but the sink was full of dirty dishes. So I think – get my son involved in the chores “I’ll clean out the dishes and you help me by putting them in the dishwasher.” I thought innocent enough – no big deal, but that is what it became – A Big Deal! In that moment my wife walks in the door, sees us doing the dishes, the vacuum hose sprawled out on the floor & the furniture moved around. She walks in & does not say a word. She picks up the vacuum I had left on the floor & starts vacuuming. Good so far right? She’s getting into it!

– wrong – a storm’s a brewing and I didn’t even see the clouds roll in!

Within minutes the thunder clapped with “I walk in the door & you guys don’t even kiss me hello! – never mind!” Then more cleaning – this time furiously – Oh Boy! something is going on! Even my son noticed. He finished the dishes and before I knew it he was gone to his room. Now the storm is in full force! Thunder and lighting – then a sharp lighting cracked “You don’t have to smack me in the face like that!!” Whaaaat is going on?! Where did this come from & why is she feeling attacked just because I am cleaning the house?

So anyway I said to myself “I am not getting into a fight” & told her “My only intention is to clean the house.” I must have missed something or not seen something, but boy was she mad. Avoiding a fight, I left the room. I went upstairs to clean the bedrooms. Without intending, this really pissed her off even more, because 1 hour later I came downstairs & she just continues with : “Don’t start now thinking that you’re so wonderful at cleaning.” Holy sh&t;! I can’t be with this! Since when is cleaning the house a way of putting her down. I honestly did not intend nor think that she would respond like that!

Honestly, I did not have any ulterior motive in cleaning the house, except to clean it. Yes, normally this is not one of my chores, but I just could not take the dust anymore. I was physically getting sick (I have sinus problems & dust kills me!) The only thing that is present for me is that I did have an expectation that she would be happy. The thing that really saddens me is – when did I become the enemy?

In moments like this, I don’t know what to say or do – so I withdraw. All I can do is be sad with where the argument went OR I can empower myself and just express what I really feel – if only here.

So this song does that for me. It says what I originally wanted to say & feel.

Precious love
I’ll give to you
Blue as the sky and deep in the
Eyes of a love so true
Beautiful face
You make me feel
Light on the stairs
And lost in the air of a love so real

You can count on me
Count on my love
Count on me
Count on my love to see you through

Emerald eyes and China perfume
Caught on the wheel and lost in
The feel of a love so soon
Ruby lips
You make my song
Into the night and saved by the light
Of a love so strong

And you can count on me
Count on my love, baby
Count on me
Count on my love to see you through

Oooh, you can count on me, girl
You can count on my love

Precious love
I’ll give it to you
Blue as the sky and deep in the
Eyes of a love so true
Beautiful face
You make me feel
Light on the stairs
And lost in the air of a love so real

And you can count on me
Count on my love
Count on me
Count on my love to see you through
– Jefferson Starship : Count On Me

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Music & Life – An Epiphany!

Today the most commonplace video allowed me to have an epiphany. I never in a million years could have imagined that Tray & Matt of South Park fame would be the cause of it. Granted it’s the words of Alan Watts that did it but it was thru Tray & Matt’s video that I was exposed to those words.

As Alan Watts explains it, the idea that “reaching for success is the purpose of life” is a great big hoax!

I have missed the music along the way.

Like most I have worked hard to be successful and missed what the real purpose was. Acquired the houses I’ve wanted and even created the type of business I’ve wanted. I design multi-million dollar waterfront homes where money is everything. Sure I’ve sacrificed a few birthday parties because meeting the client’s deadline was more important but hey, the family will understand. What’s the problem – there will be many more birthdays to come!

I have fallen for the peer pressure that having a nice car, a nice house & great financial Independence were the symbols of success. See I had what I thought would be my nice nest egg. Sure, I planned that I would sell it all and retire when I’m 55. But now with the economy the way it is, well that nest egg is now more like scrambled eggs.

Over the last year or so, I’ve come to realize that I’ve wasted so much time, effort, and affinity to acquire those things. I’ve realized that I’ve never sang or danced to the music. I’ve never allow myself to be free of the need to have material success.

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Pure Love Comes Home

Last night my 10yr old son came home from a 3 week vacation in Ecuador, South America. My wife & I were so excited to be at the airport and pick him up. See he’s flying back with 2 of my sister, & 6 more nieces & nephews. I was anxiously waiting in the terminal with my wife, my brother, sister, sister-in-law, brother-in-law… We were a whole troop! Everyone is in conversation passing the time, but in my head I was only focused on seeing my son.

After a while of waiting & seeing many passengers arriving, we started getting anxious & saying, “they’re next out thru those doors. No – this time really – They’re the next ones.” Another 30 minutes later I see 2 female figures with a bunch of kids coming in the distance. It had to be them. Who else is crazy enough to travel with 5 boys & 2 girls at 1 am. I see all the kids jumping around & having fun. Sure enough my son is one of those kids jumping around and carefree just goofing off.

But as soon as he saw me with my arms stretched out wide open welcoming him home, he started crying. Immediately starts running towards me and jumps in the air into my open arms – matrix-like in slow motion – almost knocking me over! I’ve never seen him run that fast! Sobbingly he says “Dad I’ve missed you!” In that moment, nobody else existed around us. We hugged for what felt like an eternity & he squeezed me with so much love and sentiment. Wow! there is nothing more powerful then a pure expression of love like this one.

I have missed him & he has missed me just as much. When I asked him why he was crying, he replied “No dad, those are tears of joy! I really didn’t realize how much I’ve missed you.”

In that instant, I realized that nothing else matters. Nothing!

No matter what the struggles of life; no matter what my family thinks of me & how we’re raising our son; No matter the tribulations of life; no matter the criticism, all that matters is that my son loves me! He loves his dad with all his heart & I love him!

Not that my wife & I were failing him, but life; the negative opinions and criticism of others; and even worse of all – my little voice in my head! All have a way of making me forget who I am for my family. All have a way of allowing me to disempower myself. I just got validation that I am a good dad. No matter what anybody says or thinks – I am – and I can again trust that what my heart says to me is genuine compared to what my mind tells me.

I will from this day forward trust my heart and know that I am doing what’s right for my family.

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Staying Positive in a Negative World

It is truly possible to be positive in a negative world. The way I see it, the world is what I see in it & what I make of it.

I find that when I start my morning routine listening to the morning rush hour report, I already start upset and rushed. This is because I find myself needing to rush out the door right now in order to ‘beat’ the traffic. Take my coffee on the run & well, I’ll read that report during the traffic jams so I don’t waste time. When I get to the office, I feel like a rat trying to find a spot up front in the parking lot. In the elevator lobby I rush to the elevator to ‘beat’ that crowd that is coming behind me. All this before 9am. So of course I am going to be upset, rushed & negative.

This negativity stays with me all day. When I get home, my son runs to sit on my lap & all I want to do is ‘veg-out’ before dinner. I have stressed myself raw and now just want to be numb to the world. Staring at the tv allows me to zone out for a while just to recover.

What I saw missing in myself was peacefulness & clarity. Everything is hurry up & wait.

So I tried an experiment. I start my day differently. I already know that the morning commute will take about 1hr plus 15 minutes for delays. In the morning I get up with time to sit at the table & talk with my wife. My son kisses me as he is leaving to school and I am listening to a soft tune in the background. I saw that during that week I got to work on time, read my report at the table & even made it to the elevator without a mad rush. The day goes by peacefully & my head stays focused. On the drive home I listen to an audio book & clear myself of the day’s troubles.

The most important thing is that when I get home my son still wants to sit on my lap. But now I find that I can actually play with him & enjoy my time with him. My head is clear & I can focus on him.

What I did differently was change my mindset. What I focus on is what shows up in my life. If I create tension, worries & rush and that is what occurs throughout the day. BUT when I created peacefulness and clarity for myself, the days became just that – peaceful & clear. Even finding a parking space was not stressful.

So the way to staying positive in a negative world, is not to focus on the negative, but on the positive. Live life like you want it to be & sure enough that is what will show up for you in this world.

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Manchester Craftsman Guild High School

You must be prepared to act on your dreams…

just in case they do come true.”

– Bill Strickland

“Its all in the way

you think about

people that often

determines their

behaviour.”


http://static.videoegg.com/ted/flash/loader.swf

This is truly an inspiring video! I have to change the way I see people in order for their behaviour to change. It is all in who I am being that defines who people are for me.

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