You Can Count On Me

Today I am feeling a little sad & melancholic. In a couple of days it will be my wife’s & my 20th year anniversary and we are not getting along too well. I’ve tried creating communication with her but it never goes how I want it to. I do things that I think will make her happy & it does not turn out that way.

To give you an example. Yesterday I decided to clean the house. My wife is working alot with her new business. She is even working on Saturdays till 5pm & has not had time to do the usual chores. It started simply enough. As I’m cleaning, my son tells me he wants to get a goldfish. I needed to prime the pump, clean the tank & get the water conditioned for the fish, but the sink was full of dirty dishes. So I think – get my son involved in the chores “I’ll clean out the dishes and you help me by putting them in the dishwasher.” I thought innocent enough – no big deal, but that is what it became – A Big Deal! In that moment my wife walks in the door, sees us doing the dishes, the vacuum hose sprawled out on the floor & the furniture moved around. She walks in & does not say a word. She picks up the vacuum I had left on the floor & starts vacuuming. Good so far right? She’s getting into it!

– wrong – a storm’s a brewing and I didn’t even see the clouds roll in!

Within minutes the thunder clapped with “I walk in the door & you guys don’t even kiss me hello! – never mind!” Then more cleaning – this time furiously – Oh Boy! something is going on! Even my son noticed. He finished the dishes and before I knew it he was gone to his room. Now the storm is in full force! Thunder and lighting – then a sharp lighting cracked “You don’t have to smack me in the face like that!!” Whaaaat is going on?! Where did this come from & why is she feeling attacked just because I am cleaning the house?

So anyway I said to myself “I am not getting into a fight” & told her “My only intention is to clean the house.” I must have missed something or not seen something, but boy was she mad. Avoiding a fight, I left the room. I went upstairs to clean the bedrooms. Without intending, this really pissed her off even more, because 1 hour later I came downstairs & she just continues with : “Don’t start now thinking that you’re so wonderful at cleaning.” Holy sh&t;! I can’t be with this! Since when is cleaning the house a way of putting her down. I honestly did not intend nor think that she would respond like that!

Honestly, I did not have any ulterior motive in cleaning the house, except to clean it. Yes, normally this is not one of my chores, but I just could not take the dust anymore. I was physically getting sick (I have sinus problems & dust kills me!) The only thing that is present for me is that I did have an expectation that she would be happy. The thing that really saddens me is – when did I become the enemy?

In moments like this, I don’t know what to say or do – so I withdraw. All I can do is be sad with where the argument went OR I can empower myself and just express what I really feel – if only here.

So this song does that for me. It says what I originally wanted to say & feel.

Precious love
I’ll give to you
Blue as the sky and deep in the
Eyes of a love so true
Beautiful face
You make me nude celebrities feel
Light on the stairs
And lost in the air of a love so real

You can count on me
Count on my love
Count on me
Count on my love to see you through

Emerald eyes and China perfume
Caught on the wheel and lost in
The feel of a love so soon
Ruby lips
You make my song
Into the night and saved by the light
Of a love so strong

And you can count on me
Count on my love, baby
Count on me
Count on my love to see you through

Oooh, you can count on me, girl
You can count on my love

Precious love
I’ll give it to you
Blue as the sky and deep in the
Eyes of a love so true
Beautiful face
You make me feel
Light on the stairs
And lost in the air of a love so real

And you can count on me
Count on my love
Count on me
Count on my love to see you through
– Jefferson Starship : Count On Me

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