Tag Archives: acknowledgement

The Legacy of Peace & Unity

I would like to share with you what I’ve been feeling now that my mother has passed away. I have had the story that I need to be ‘strong’ for my family. It’s been many years that I have not allowed myself to freely show fear, joy, anger, excitement, disappointment, grief – forget being vulnerable! I’ve dealt with a lot of death in the recent years and I ‘had’ to be strong. I do not let anyone know that I am fearful of death & that I’m afraid that one day you too will leave me.

When Pipo & Mima died I ‘had’ to be strong for my wife & son. Mima was ill for many years with Alzheimer’s. She no longer knew who her family was. She did not know that she had a daughter, a son-in-law & grandson. I remember the day my wife asked her “I am your daughter, do you remember me?” and Mima replied “I don’t have a daughter!” She cried for days! I tried to protect my son from that. What would it feel like for him to hear that she has no clue of who he is. He can’t comprehend what is happening to her. I don’t know why I did not cry at her funeral – maybe to protect him or actually to protect me from feeling that pain.

When Pipo died, I promised Pipo that I would take care of my family. I promised him that I would not let anything happen to them. The seven months we took care of Pipo in our home, I protected my son from Pipo’s hollers of pain. I would create distractions so that he would not have to ‘deal’ with that & looking back – so that I can escape that pain.

Now fast forward to today. Again I pretended that I would be alright. My ‘strong suit’ really has me believing that I can deal with the death of mom. All this time I have been ‘strong’ & I can deal with death. BUT really I was pretending that I am OK. All this time I have been hiding the fact that I am afraid, feel vulnerable & alone. I kept myself busy so that I would not have to see mom wither away like a wilted rose. How that leaves me feeling is closed off from my own feelings.

So when I interact with friends and family, I am really hiding out. Hiding my feelings. I did not want to get too close because you too will leave me & I am going to hurt all over again! I would not tell you about my life, because of the fear that you may find me out or you may judge me. I get the feeling that I leave them in a funk trying to deal with my disconnect. For that I apologize.

So what you can count on from me is that I will be free to express my feelings, will no longer pretend to be strong & will be present to your (& my own) greatness. I promise to be there to hear you and to listen without judgement; I promise that I will be with you when you need me; I promise I will be free to be me.

What I ask of you is that when I leave you in a funk, that you stop and ask me “what just happened?” I know that these promises are big & I may falter sometimes. I ask that you not judge it, but stretch out a hand and help me up. I will not always get it right, but know that I will try.

Tomorrow is mom’s funeral service & I do not have to be ‘strong’ anymore. I do not need to pretend that I have it all together. I will be free to be me and free to be with you.

God has blessed our family with a great mother, but even more so with the legacy she created – a united family.

I love you all.

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Peace I leave you, My peace I give you.

Peace I leave you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”.

— John 14:27

This was my mother’s possibility for the world. After she quoted these words last Saturday, I saw her world transform. People came from NY, DC and even Ecuador to be with her. They all shared how they have been touched by her. How her way of being was imprinted in their souls and the magic she caused in their lives

She released her bottle full of angers, recentments and caused our world to transform before our eyes.

Last night my mother passed away in peace as the example of these words. Her last wish was that our family carry on her legacy of being United in Peace.

We are here on this earth if only for this moment – so make your moment matter and be the cause of transformation in your world.

My peace I give to you

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A Class for Acknowledgements

This week I completed my I.L.P. program at Landmark – Ft Lauderdale. The final class was 5 hrs of nothing but acknowledgement. Acknowledging family, friends, participants and even course leaders.

I get up and decide to let it all hang out. I acknowledge the monkey on my back and my classmates that got me to see that it was there. I had lived nine years of not knowing it was there. My emotions, my self-expression, my vitality and spontinaity were all wrapped up, like the layers of an onion, all under layer of ‘protection.’ I called this my life for the last nine years. But over my shoulder he was. He was more like a 200 lb gorilla in that he weighted me down with sadness, anger and loneliness.

See over the last nine years my wife & I have dealt with the loss of many loved ones in our life. My wife & I lived with the death of both my mother/father-in-laws; a close uncle; a relative who died when he collided with a light pole; a friend of the family who died of cancer; a cousin was murdered in his own bedroom; A 18 yr old cousin who’s car was hit by a train; I even lost another with whom I did not have any connections – but who was close to a friend of mine.

Don’t get me wrong, life was fine. I went on with my life – like we are all supposed to. My wife accepted the circumstances. I tolorated them because I had to go on. I had to go on and I had to protect my son. But when I thought I was teaching him peace, Love and acceptance, I was actually teaching him my fears.

See each one touched my life in different ways. With the death of my mother-in-law I lost my patience; with my father-in-law I lost faith; with the cousin who was murdered I lost trust; with the 18yr old girl stuck in the car as the train approached I lost peace. In each occurance I have allowed a piece of me to disappear – or just shall I say – have wrapped it away inside the many layers of my onion – all because of my own fear of death.

But the I.L.P. program is designed to peel away all those layers. It is designed to free me of all the constraints that my past has imposed on me. My classmates created a new listening for who I was – even when I could not see myself that way. It was because of their believe and support that I was able to step into the listening they created for me. I was able to live into my possibility of Love, Peace & Fullfilment all because of the listening they had for me.

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