Vivid Dreamscapes

A really crazy moment of Synchronicity showed up for me today!

This afternoon I went to Kinko’s (sorry FedEx – I’m old school & I have fond memories of it as only Kinko’s) and scanned a document. The lady behind the counter assisted me & saved it into my thumb drive. I paid & just went home, thinking nothing of it. At home I open my thumb drive & there is nothing there! WTF!! don’t tell me I have to drive back & complain & then just get it rescanned – what a pain in the ass . . .

This has been a hell of a week! So many things going on that are disempowering – I don’t need this shit!

As I am about to close the drive, I notice a hidden folder called .Trash – ah-ha she must have dumped a first version . . . Sure enough there is a strange files called $61g617l.jpg & its an image file. I open it up and . . .

Crap!!!

It’s SM & he is looking at me over his glasses – His face is seen thru two fingers that are pinching as if to signify small. His look is as it was when he used to coach me!

Yes! it is just a picture of him – but he has that ‘about to coach me’ look.

This is how he shows up for me.

I never knew that picture was on my drive & don’t even know who took it, but here it is in a folder that never existed on this drive.

In that moment I hear SM’s voice in my head saying

“Heck you’ve got problems & circumstances that are not great – but guess what? They are this tiny compared to the magnificence that you are! You are a creation of the great universe! Honor yourself as such. . .”

They are this tiny . . . just keeps ringing in my head all evening.

So at night, after everyone has gone to bed, I go to sit at the computer. Finally found the document I was looking for – it was on the drive after all – I swear, it was not there before!

It is now 2:45 am & I am ready to go to bed. I turn off the monitor & am about to turn off the lights, when I hear that voice again & I get a sudden urge to go checkout Facebook.

Yeah FB @ 2:45am go figure ! ! !

I check posts & to see that no one is online, when all of a sudden I get a chat box open up with a friend RT. We chat about stuff & I ask him “You seem pissed – whats up?” As he shared of disempowering stuff & how he still loves his ex, I get this sensation & it takes over me. It types “You are bigger then you know & just honor yourself as the true greatness that you are.”

He does not reply for a bit – I image he is as shocked as I am with what came out. Then he replies with, “but . . . ”

I interrupt his typing with “honor yourself & give in. Surrender to your greatness & just know yourself as that and be that!”

Again he pauses & then he replies with “where did that come from & how did you know that I am really dealing with that? It is strange, but I got this strong urge to go on FB & there you were!”

God was working both ends to make sure the message gets delivered!

I truly don’t know how that occurs! Synchronicity is all I can say! Ever since SM passed, he shows up for me with a message he wants me to deliver. I just get that feeling – can’t explain it – can’t resist it either! It has to be delivered on its own time & way. This time the message was for RT.

Funny, but it’s always with an e-file picture of him. This is how SM shows up for me.

God you amaze me every time with how out of the blue things just are aligned as they need to be.

There once was a four year old child whose next door neighbor, an elderly gentleman had recently lost his wife. Upon coming home, the child seeing the old man cry, went across the street to the old gentleman’s yard. He climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

Moments later he crosses back to his home and goes inside. His mother, intrigued by the interaction of the child asked him “what did you say to the neighbor that made him smile?” The little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.” – My take on a tale by Leo Buscaglia

Holly Crap, Batman!! This morning I got this weird feeling. I am feeling like something (spiritual) is coming on.

Well, after I had my coffee, I sat down at the computer to check my emails. Sure enough, nothing new or exciting showed up, just a bunch of junk mail. I move it all to the delete folder & as I do that, one email catches my eye! It is a ‘join my network’ kinda email from LinkedIn.com

I get excited & wonder who wants me to add them to my network, so I clicked on it. Google Chrome opens up & there right on the LinkedIn page was SM! He was inviting me to be in his
network!

Holy Ghosts, Batman…

He was showing up again & shit! I didn’t even realize what day it is today!

Today is the 1-year anniversary of SM’s passing!

He shows up a year later-to-the-day and invites me to be friends! So I kinda laugh at it because this is not the first time he shows up like this. The last time I blew it off & could not believe my eyes. Just could not accept that he shows up like that for me!

But here he is, so I ask him…. “Hey SM how you doing?” yeah I know it’s a lame greeting I would ask a friend I saw just the other day. But I didn’t know what else to say…

Then I hear in my head “Tell her I said hi. Please check to see if she is OK”

Wow! his tone sounds concerned as if he’s worried for her… “Hey SM” I ask “is she OK?” but never got a reply.

But the task is given… and a deed to be done…

As the day goes by, I got busy w/work & conference calls & kinda forgot to call TR. Later that evening, I am waiting for a participant to call me, so I have my phone at hand. And a number I did not know rings… “Hmm.. he’s late! His cell must have died & this must be him calling me from a different number” – so I pick up.

On the other end was the sad, soft-spoken voice of a woman speaking slowly, “Hi, Pablo. Just calling to say hi…”

It was TR! but she sounded different. She said “It sound like your busy, so I will call you back tomorrow…” and hanged up!

Wow, that did not sound right & I can’t believe it’s her. I call her back & she answers. “Hey, TR! are you OK? You sound different today!” She replied “I’m feeling a little sad and do you know why?”

“I knew why… SM says hi!” was my reply.

We spoke for hours of the moments SM filled her life and the way he joked with her. She reminisces of how he would come & go. And how – even though he would be weekends away supervising a course – he would still find time to text her, just to say hi. This gave her comfort & peace of mind, just knowing that he loved her.

“Hi SM”

She spoke of that little smirk he would have when he was making a point and of how he would look at her over his glasses, when she was not being her word.

She spoke of moments that filled her soul,
and cried of days when she missed him so.

Screams to the heavens as if to complain,
“God, why did you take him away?”

Sadly, she mourns quietly of days alone,
yet to come…

“Why did he leave me!” she cries “Oh, how I wish he would be here right by my side! How I wish he would speak to me…”

All I could do is listen and help her cry…

Sharing a story by Paulo Coelho that is so appropriate today

The Power of Hate & Pardon

“It’s very difficult. But there is no choice: if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”

“I have been hurt many times.”

“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”

“I think it’s human.”

“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”

After this conversation with J, which took place just before I traveled to spend 40 days in the Mojave desert in the United States, I began to understand better the boy, the adolescent, the hurt adult I once was. One morning, going from the Valley of Death in California to Tucson in Arizona, I made a mental list of everyone I thought I hated because they had hurt me. I went along pardoning them one by one and six hours later, in Tucson, my soul felt so light and my life had changed much for the better.
- Paulo Coelho

In these days of economic downturn, job loss, disappearances of investments & funds, foreclosures & loss of faith, the common question I hear is “Why is this happening?” Well allow me to say that it is a useless question. And if I stay there then all I will be doing is wasting my days trying to “figure out why!” What is gone is gone!

The only really valuable question is:

“What Can I learn from it?”

Because this question then leads me to ask “What do I choose to do now?” Now this question is really empowering and worthwhile asking!!

The “why” question simply perplexes, leaves me disempowered – that I might never get out of – and hardly ever leaves me satisfied. It never gives a good answer just more why’s.

Keep moving forward!!
There is nothing behind you – it is all gone & done! Focusing on how it worked or did not work won’t change a darn thing! The future is not guaranteed for any of us. Just focusing on what is possible right now is what best serves you. Being your highest thoughts & your highest self right now is all there really is.

So on this day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for having you in my life; I am thankful for the life that God grants me; I am thankful for the freedoms we have; Thnakful for the ability to let go of the past & for the will to make life work – right now!- no matter what shows up!

As a child I have always held the belief that ‘Family Comes First.’ I have always lived that way & even considered a ‘value’ worth having.

Little by little family members grow up, each sibling has a family of their own & they each have their own priorities. As the expression goes ‘that’s life!’ But somehow I still held on to the believe that family comes first. If I had a conflict in schedule between a family event or a personal event, the family event won – no questions asked. Of course over the years friends saw this & they went their seperate ways, loves I’ve had were envious & also went their way. Sitting alone I pondered if I’ve made the right decision, along came one of my sister to offer a shoulder to cry on & I knew I have.

Over the years and over the days. Weeks come & go like the wind. The winds of last few years have been tough. The economy, the bickering & the death of our mother has torn us apart. And my family, like the sand on the beach, some gather up in dunes & some wash away. My believe of ‘family comes first’ has withered away. Now all I can do is dream of days gone by.

But that dream and desire still exists in me. I long for a close knit family & maybe naively I still live like ‘family comes first’ even though that is not the way some of my siblings feel. So I hold on steadfast.

I remember when my father-in-law had a stroke, my wife & I took care of him. Rushing him to the hospital in the late-night hours due to an emergency, Mercy would go & I took care of the homefront – we worked as a team. I have had to change my daily plans to be there for my wife & her father. It was tough, but I did it – not as a sacrifice – but because family comes first. He lived with us, in our home on a hospital bed unable to move or communicate for seven months. We cared for him. It was not easy, but it was not a drudgery. This is what families do – be there for each other – right?

I am reminded of all the times that he came to my rescue, night or day. Anytime – I knew we could always count on him. He already knew that family comes first. So when it was time to care for him my thought is – It is the least I could do!

Even yesterday! My wife’s car broke down. I was not at home nor nearby to help her, but my brother & her best-cousin were there! They went no questions asked! No matter the distance or the inconvenience – They were there.

Even though it does not look like it used to, I still hold my believe that my family will believe in ‘family comes first.’ Yes my hope flickers like the message alert on my cell phone. Silently blinking. Patiently waiting to be noticed. But I still hold it as a value worth having.

On this day before Thanksgiving, I want to give thanks for my family. The way they are and the way that they are not – in my life.