Imagine every morning waking up and feeling
“I don’t want to live another day without my child in my life.”
Feeling that on the side of the highway
is where my child left this world.
Alone and hurt,
you left this life to live anew –
free of pain and sorrow.
But waking up, I see your empty bed
and I am preparing your clothes in
boxes ready to go. I drive to work
and see your memorial on the
side of the road and the tears come.
Every morning I feel the rage and anger for
that careless driver who took
your life from me.
Everyday I feel your absence.
But each morning I awake again
and continue to live this life
because I know I must.
God does have bigger plans for me.
I wake up and continue my life because
I don’t want yours to be forgotten.
I need to let the world know that you
are a person of significance.
That you mattered – to me!
I need to remember, I need to live!
To be free and laugh again.
I am the only one that can set me free!
And for that I need to learn to forgive.
Forgive them, forgive you, forgive me.
This is another dream/visitation that I experienced fully awake. The feelings I got were feelings I have never felt before, but feel them I did. These words came to me early in the morning. I awoke and sat down with the urge to write. These words are not mine and the feelings expressed are not my feelings. I am sobbing with such pain and sorrow as I write these words. The pain and suffering that these words express is running all my emotions and are mine to feel. I am feeling the pain of a parent who has lost a child – though I have not.
At first I reasoned them to be hollow because I have not lost a child so how can I be writing in first person. I even tried to rewrite them from a stranger’s perspective & my computer would not have it. So I accepted what was coming to me. Secondly a thought entered my mind for a moment. I always have these premonitions in dreams – so could this be of a future day in my life?? NO not my son!!!! The emotions became horrifying for a second and the pain and sorrow became mine.
Then I got present to where these words were coming from. These words were meant for someone – I don’t know who – to read & not for me to keep them in my scrapbook. So I would like to share them with you. I know that I don’t know what it is like to lose a child – so maybe these words are really hollow, but I think I got a stranger’s glimpse into what a parent might be going thru.