Fly be Free

Fly Be Free
“I have to leave.” My sister insists! “I need to get away from him.”

She left quietly in the middle of the day. Mom & dad were at work and this was her opportunity.

As she opened the door, the light outside casts her shadow up the stairs. It trails up each riser and almost seems to touch my shoe. The light, glistening off the metal strap on the suitcase, catches my eye. As I turned away to avoid the glare, she disappeared into the anonymity of the street. Only a note left for him and mom, gave an indication of where she was going.

“It is time.” she said.

Time for her to be free, time for her to grow. Time for her to trust in herself. Her marriage to Manny, at the ripe age of twenty, was a way to obtain freedom. Freedom from mom’s control and freedom from life in the Bronx.

But in her running, she ran into murkier waters. Now she needs to get away from everything! From him, from mom and from the church’s opinions. Divorce is not an option, so running away, to recreate herself seems to be the only way.

As the door closed, away she went to find herself…

My mother frantically searches for her.

“Where did she go?” my mother asks

Days go by and all her friends do not know where she could be. Nobody knew. She asks me and I pretended that I did not know what happened.

“No mom, I do not know where she went!” I reply.

But deep down inside, I really do not want her to be found. This was a clean breakaway. That’s how she felt she needed it to be. Months have passed and mom continues to cry every day. I feel torn – don’t want to see mom cry, but also don’t want to betray my sister’s freedom.

Today, the phone rings. It is her! I am so glad to finally hear from her.

“Put mom on, I need to explain..” she tells me, so I get mom on the phone.

“Mija, where are you? are you OK?”

“I’m doing fine mom. I’m living in Manhattan and got a new job. It pays me  more money and can afford to live in a home for young women.”

First time that mom did not dominate the conversation and only listened.

“Mom, how is she doing? Where is she?” I ask as she hung up the phone.

“She would not say…”

I understood that she did not want to reveal any other clues to her whereabouts. She was still in fear that my mother would turn her over to him again. So she trusts no one and reveals nothing…

– only that she will be fine now.

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Pending Storm in the Horizon

Tonight is just a hot, unbearably August night. I can’t sleep down here in the basement. It’s dark, hot and the air has decided not to circulate thru this space. So my brother and I decided to head up onto the roof.

Here staring out into the clear night sky, we ponder the beauty of a New York City night and the full 360 degrees of possibilities for our future that could be out there.

Looking out to the east, we see the pending storm rolling in, that will surely create a rainy morning tomorrow.

But for now we just enjoy the beauty of the moment.

My brother shows me the new jeans that he wants to modify to fit in with his gang friends. He is hanging out with some guys that worry me. My friends tell me that those guys are gang members, but my brother says that they are just “cool” to hang out with.

Anyway, we take the razor blades and start to slice thru the bulge of the side seams. By opening them up, we are creating fringes that will flare out and ultimately create a white, vertical stripe standing up over the field of blue.

White, blue and blood red are the colors of his friend’s insignia.

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Bittersweet Fourth of July

I finally got my birthday present!

My birthday was back in May, but my parents could not afford to get me what I wanted – that is until today. I got a great surprise! Coolest Chopper in Town

A Chopper bike! It was nice! The sissy bar; the ape-hanger handlebars; the shifter; the tiny wheel upfront; the lean-and-mean slope it had; even the Kermit-the-frog green to match the family car. This bike was moving – even standing still!

The first thing my brother and I did was modify it. We leaned those ape-hangers as far forward as I could possibly reach. I barely had my butt on the edge of the seat, but I was hanging – out at the outskirts of my dreams!

It really was cool! My parents planned the whole day. We went to the park for a picnic by Indian Pond. The sky was a beautiful shade of azure with those little puffy clouds that slide into place every once in a while just to give us a burst of shade. I had all the hot dogs I could eat and spent the whole day riding. Everything was incredible and this was the best day of my life.

I even learned to ride a bike today. My brother, running out of patience in teaching me, wanted to ride it more often and would not let me have a turn riding my bike. “They got it for US!” was his reply, but I know it was mine – right? They didn’t get me anything for my birthday so this must be a way to make up for it – isn’t it?

At about 5pm, my brother and I got into a fight. He would not give up the bike and I ended pushing him off. My parents have had enough and loaded us back into the family wagon “the green machine” for the trip back home.

When we got home everybody was tired and all my brother and I did was argue – like brothers are supposed to do. We pull into the perfect parking space right in front of our brownstone – right in front of our basement gate.Home_ :: New York Brownstone

We unload the car but my brother and I argue over who will put the bike away. In the morning we woke up all excited about how wonderful our 4th-of-July had been. I run down to the basement just to feel the bike – after all, it could have been only a dream. I get there and no bike. Was it really a dream?

At the moment my brother comes up behind me and says – where’s the bike!? Didn’t you bring it in, fool? We look at each other with that little-kid-in-trouble look of – ooh-ooohh!

Running outside in our pajamas, we are struck by the glaring heat of a July morning in New York. Our eyes, adjusting to the brightness, start to focus on the green machine. Only to realize that the side-rear window, of the wagon, was shattered – like my dreams – into small bits, all splattered out on to the sidewalk.

I should have just put the bike away, but I guess it does not matter, at some point someone would have stolen it anyway.

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