Today I am feeling a little sad & melancholic. In a couple of days it will be my wife’s & my 20th year anniversary and we are not getting along too well. I’ve tried creating communication with her but it never goes how I want it to. I do things that I think will make her happy & it does not turn out that way. <\/p>\n
To give you an example. Yesterday I decided to clean the house. My wife is working alot with her new business. She is even working on Saturdays till 5pm & has not had time to do the usual chores. It started simply enough. As I’m cleaning, my son tells me he wants to get a goldfish. I needed to prime the pump, clean the tank & get the water conditioned for the fish, but the sink was full of dirty dishes. So I think – get my son involved in the chores “I’ll clean out the dishes and you help me by putting them in the dishwasher.” I thought innocent enough – no big deal, but that is what it became – A Big Deal! In that moment my wife walks in the door, sees us doing the dishes, the vacuum hose sprawled out on the floor & the furniture moved around. She walks in & does not say a word. She picks up the vacuum I had left on the floor & starts vacuuming. Good so far right? She’s getting into it!<\/p>\n
– wrong – a storm’s a brewing and I didn’t even see the clouds roll in!<\/p>\n
Within minutes the thunder clapped with “I walk in the door & you guys don’t even kiss me hello! – never mind!” Then more cleaning – this time furiously – Oh Boy! something is going on! Even my son noticed. He finished the dishes and before I knew it he was gone to his room. Now the storm is in full force! Thunder and lighting – then a sharp lighting cracked “You don’t have to smack me in the face like that!!” Whaaaat is going on?! Where did this come from & why is she feeling attacked just because I am cleaning the house? <\/p>\n
So anyway I said to myself “I am not getting into a fight” & told her “My only intention is to clean the house.” I must have missed something or not seen something, but boy was she mad. Avoiding a fight, I left the room. I went upstairs to clean the bedrooms. Without intending, this really pissed her off even more, because 1 hour later I came downstairs & she just continues with : “Don’t start now thinking that you’re so wonderful at cleaning.” Holy sh&t;! I can’t be with this! Since when is cleaning the house a way of putting her down. I honestly did not intend nor think that she would respond like that!<\/p>\n
Honestly, I did not have any ulterior motive in cleaning the house, except to clean it. Yes, normally this is not one of my chores, but I just could not take the dust anymore. I was physically getting sick (I have sinus problems & dust kills me!) The only thing that is present for me is that I did have an expectation that she would be happy. The thing that really saddens me is – when did I become the enemy?<\/p>\n
In moments like this, I don’t know what to say or do – so I withdraw. All I can do is be sad with where the argument went OR I can empower myself and just express what I really feel – if only here. <\/p>\n
So this song does that for me. It says what I originally wanted to say & feel.<\/p>\n