This afternoon I went to Kinko’s (sorry FedEx – I’m old school & I have fond memories of it as only Kinko’s) and scanned a document. The lady behind the counter assisted me & saved it into my thumb drive. I paid & just went home, thinking nothing of it. At home I open my thumb drive & there is nothing there! WTF!! don’t tell me I have to drive back & complain & then just get it rescanned – what a pain in the ass . . .

This has been a hell of a week! So many things going on that are disempowering – I don’t need this shit!

As I am about to close the drive, I notice a hidden folder called .Trash – ah-ha she must have dumped a first version . . . Sure enough there is a strange files called $61g617l.jpg & its an image file. I open it up and . . .

Crap!!!

It’s SM & he is looking at me over his glasses – His face is seen thru two fingers that are pinching as if to signify small. His look is as it was when he used to coach me!

Yes! it is just a picture of him – but he has that ‘about to coach me’ look.

This is how he shows up for me.

I never knew that picture was on my drive & don’t even know who took it, but here it is in a folder that never existed on this drive.

In that moment I hear SM’s voice in my head saying

“Heck you’ve got problems & circumstances that are not great – but guess what? They are this tiny compared to the magnificence that you are! You are a creation of the great universe! Honor yourself as such. . .”

They are this tiny . . . just keeps ringing in my head all evening.

So at night, after everyone has gone to bed, I go to sit at the computer. Finally found the document I was looking for – it was on the drive after all – I swear, it was not there before!

It is now 2:45 am & I am ready to go to bed. I turn off the monitor & am about to turn off the lights, when I hear that voice again & I get a sudden urge to go checkout Facebook.

Yeah FB @ 2:45am go figure ! ! !

I check posts & to see that no one is online, when all of a sudden I get a chat box open up with a friend RT. We chat about stuff & I ask him “You seem pissed – whats up?” As he shared of disempowering stuff & how he still loves his ex, I get this sensation & it takes over me. It types “You are bigger then you know & just honor yourself as the true greatness that you are.”

He does not reply for a bit – I image he is as shocked as I am with what came out. Then he replies with, “but . . . ”

I interrupt his typing with “honor yourself & give in. Surrender to your greatness & just know yourself as that and be that!”

Again he pauses & then he replies with “where did that come from & how did you know that I am really dealing with that? It is strange, but I got this strong urge to go on FB & there you were!”

God was working both ends to make sure the message gets delivered!

I truly don’t know how that occurs! Synchronicity is all I can say! Ever since SM passed, he shows up for me with a message he wants me to deliver. I just get that feeling – can’t explain it – can’t resist it either! It has to be delivered on its own time & way. This time the message was for RT.

Funny, but it’s always with an e-file picture of him. This is how SM shows up for me.

God you amaze me every time with how out of the blue things just are aligned as they need to be.

If once they [the people] become inattentive to the public affairs, you and I, and Congress, and Assemblies, Judges, and Governors, shall all become wolves.” — Thomas Jefferson

John F Kennedy:

The very word ‘secrecy’ is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings….” — John F Kennedy,

Sure, many of us are stricken with a sense of apathy with our economic situation. We may even feel hopelessness in being able to do something about the BP Oil Disaster. But we are doing it! More people are awakening from their slumber & are getting into action!

Do not stop & do not fall for the fearmongering.

On this day, as we celebrate or rights & freedoms (what we have left of them…), I would like to interject a bit of spice, in between the hot dogs & hamburgers and apple pies. On this day, the state of economy and ecology are causing our forefathers to be rolling in their graves. Not from fear of what is occurring, but they are stirring up that patriotic energy for us :

It must have been a restless night in those old graveyards — the resting places of George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and the other great men who led the fight for freedom and held the vision for what would become the greatest country in the world.

They, along with other farmers, shopkeepers and tradesmen, shook their collective fist at the King of England. They printed their newspapers in back rooms without bothering to get the required approval before posting it in the town square, they boycotted products that supported their oppressors, they stood up for their right to express their opinions in a group environment and exercised what they believed was their right to self rule.

What would our destiny have been if instead, they felt powerless to effect change, if they only cared about their own personal welfare and had no sense of social responsibility? If their concept of democracy was void of integrity and had no moral core? If they were just too afraid and just too tired to stand up for what we came to know as “truth, justice and the American way” — Kim Calbert (Singularcity.com)

And most importantly, let’s remember the words of our Founding Fathers:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it…“ — Declaration of Independence

There once was a four year old child whose next door neighbor, an elderly gentleman had recently lost his wife. Upon coming home, the child seeing the old man cry, went across the street to the old gentleman’s yard. He climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

Moments later he crosses back to his home and goes inside. His mother, intrigued by the interaction of the child asked him “what did you say to the neighbor that made him smile?” The little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.” – My take on a tale by Leo Buscaglia

Holly Crap, Batman!! This morning I got this weird feeling. I am feeling like something (spiritual) is coming on.

Well, after I had my coffee, I sat down at the computer to check my emails. Sure enough, nothing new or exciting showed up, just a bunch of junk mail. I move it all to the delete folder & as I do that, one email catches my eye! It is a ‘join my network’ kinda email from LinkedIn.com

I get excited & wonder who wants me to add them to my network, so I clicked on it. Google Chrome opens up & there right on the LinkedIn page was SM! He was inviting me to be in his
network!

Holy Ghosts, Batman…

He was showing up again & shit! I didn’t even realize what day it is today!

Today is the 1-year anniversary of SM’s passing!

He shows up a year later-to-the-day and invites me to be friends! So I kinda laugh at it because this is not the first time he shows up like this. The last time I blew it off & could not believe my eyes. Just could not accept that he shows up like that for me!

But here he is, so I ask him…. “Hey SM how you doing?” yeah I know it’s a lame greeting I would ask a friend I saw just the other day. But I didn’t know what else to say…

Then I hear in my head “Tell her I said hi. Please check to see if she is OK”

Wow! his tone sounds concerned as if he’s worried for her… “Hey SM” I ask “is she OK?” but never got a reply.

But the task is given… and a deed to be done…

As the day goes by, I got busy w/work & conference calls & kinda forgot to call TR. Later that evening, I am waiting for a participant to call me, so I have my phone at hand. And a number I did not know rings… “Hmm.. he’s late! His cell must have died & this must be him calling me from a different number” – so I pick up.

On the other end was the sad, soft-spoken voice of a woman speaking slowly, “Hi, Pablo. Just calling to say hi…”

It was TR! but she sounded different. She said “It sound like your busy, so I will call you back tomorrow…” and hanged up!

Wow, that did not sound right & I can’t believe it’s her. I call her back & she answers. “Hey, TR! are you OK? You sound different today!” She replied “I’m feeling a little sad and do you know why?”

“I knew why… SM says hi!” was my reply.

We spoke for hours of the moments SM filled her life and the way he joked with her. She reminisces of how he would come & go. And how – even though he would be weekends away supervising a course – he would still find time to text her, just to say hi. This gave her comfort & peace of mind, just knowing that he loved her.

“Hi SM”

She spoke of that little smirk he would have when he was making a point and of how he would look at her over his glasses, when she was not being her word.

She spoke of moments that filled her soul,
and cried of days when she missed him so.

Screams to the heavens as if to complain,
“God, why did you take him away?”

Sadly, she mourns quietly of days alone,
yet to come…

“Why did he leave me!” she cries “Oh, how I wish he would be here right by my side! How I wish he would speak to me…”

All I could do is listen and help her cry…

The sweet-smelling purple flowers fill the room with life, if only for a moment.

Stepping off the elevator and into the lobby, the only person I see is Kirk. With his back to the elevator, he seems to sense that it is me…

“those are Violets you smell…” he said “I ought to know! I’ve trimmed them this morning as I have done for forty-seven seasons!” he continued as-matter-of-factly.

“Hi Kirk! I….” I squeezed in, but he just continued…

“Forty-seven springs of bloom did I tender!” He pauses as if all of a sudden lost in his own thoughts.

“Even in Nam I grew them! I picked them every morning and placed them on the net of my helmet…”

Wait a second! He’s not talking to me! he’s just recounting his memories. Re-living the moments that the scent of the violets brings.

“Nope! Nam couldn’t kill that…” Now Kirk seems to pause for a second and that causes me to wonder, “they could not kill his plants or his spirit?”

That moment lasted for a few minutes and then all of a sudden a happy moment seems to sneak in. A slim smile graces his somber face as if a water leak just sprung thru a crack in the solid stone wall…

“We even had Violets at my oldest’s wedding!” he joyfully shares.

“Every Spring my daughters used to wake up to the sweet scent of violets in our home. I don’t know why, but slowly the weight of the years and the slipping of the months seem to make the sweet scent just fade away.” he stops as almost to ponder that thought

“I don’t know why, but Violets just seemed to be around less and less till one day…”

Kirk now stopped!

I waited but the pause just lingered.

“…till one day what, Kirk? what happened?” I implored to know. He never reveals any bits about his past, but when moments slip out like this, well I am anxious to know.

“One day…

My dear, sweet Betty.. .

was gone.”

Kirk stopped all together. The trip down memory lane ended and he just slumped forward in his chair. Kirk reverted back to being a resident at the nursing home and the only thing running now is the drool down his cheek.

So sad to see them just stop like that. But even sadder is that something caused them to shutdown those memories.

The memories are repressed, almost as a way to not hurt any longer.

The Power of Hate & Pardon

“It’s very difficult. But there is no choice: if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”

“I have been hurt many times.”

“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”

“I think it’s human.”

“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”

After this conversation with J, which took place just before I traveled to spend 40 days in the Mojave desert in the United States, I began to understand better the boy, the adolescent, the hurt adult I once was. One morning, going from the Valley of Death in California to Tucson in Arizona, I made a mental list of everyone I thought I hated because they had hurt me. I went along pardoning them one by one and six hours later, in Tucson, my soul felt so light and my life had changed much for the better.
- Paulo Coelho